4 Key Points For Transforming Your Life After Divorce & Despite Covid – 19

4 Key Points For Transforming Your Life After Divorce & Despite Covid-19

Divorce catches kids in the middle

Divorce catches kids in the middle

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC

During these difficult times life is even more challenging for parents dealing with divorce or co-parenting after divorce. Circumstances beyond our control are impacting decisions we make to protect ourselves and our children. New governmental restrictions are impacting and complicating routines and structure. Parents are faced with a new normal that changes from week to week.

Be patient with yourself and your former partner. Try to be there for one another. This is new territory for every one of us. Despite divorce, think like a team on behalf of your family and make decisions that support your physical, mental and emotional needs. Be more tolerant, forgiving and flexible. Your sanity and the wellbeing of your children is at stake!

How Best to Survive And Thrive!

Divorce is always a life-altering experience. But it doesn’t have to be all negative. For many it’s a time of personal self-discovery. For others, a self-made prison of depression and resentment.

What makes the difference is our acceptance of what is and our ability to use the divorce as a stepping stone to a new and better life. The bottom line: it’s all up to us. We can generate an attitude of positive expectation or we can choose instead a life filled with the pain of self-pity and despair.

The real challenge: changing our attitude or perspective on life is not a simple task. But if you take consistent steps in that direction, you’ll create the foundation for a happier future — both for yourself and the children you love.

Start by focusing your attention on these 4 key points to transforming your life toward a brighter future. You’ll never regret it.

  1. Boost your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Don’t let divorce take its toll on your self-esteem, especially if you didn’t choose the breakup of your marriage. Feeling rejected, abused or like a helpless victim undermines how you view yourself and your value to others. A fear-based mindset can keep you from moving on after divorce to a new and more rewarding reality.

No one can take your pride and confidence from you. You must decide for yourself that you’re ready to create a better life by seeking our and embracing the possibilities ahead. Choose to make pro-active decisions, look for new supportive friends, engage your energy in fulfilling activities. Are there parts of yourself that were dormant during your marriage? Now’s the time to tap into those attributes or interests and let them soar. Your children will benefit from watching you re-discover who you are. Better still, they’ll see you as a positive role model as you tackle life challenges.

Need help with feeling better about yourself? Find a coach, divorce support group, online course or program that focuses on mental health support.

  1. Use your divorce as a gift to yourself. 

The greatest lesson in self-awareness comes from finding the answers to key life questions: Ask yourself some important questions: What went wrong in your former relationship – and why? What part did I play in the break-up of my marriage? If I had responded earlier to red flag warnings might I have changed the outcome, reduced the pain, put us back on track or better protected

me and the kids? These are hard questions to answer. It can be helpful to find a therapist, coach or support group to guide you in finding meaningful insights. Be careful that you don’t get stuck on your regrets. This is your gift. Find the lessons you can learn now. They will become the catalyst to help you move ahead with more confidence in creating that happier future.

  1. Experience the blessings that come with forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not for or about the other person. It releases you from the pain of staying bound up in the past. Blaming yourself or your former spouse does nothing toward improving your life. Instead, it keeps you from really enjoying today – as well as tomorrow. Understanding the gift of forgiveness is a huge step forward. It may require reaching out for professional help in letting go, moving on and understanding the incredible value of forgiveness as a positive tool for self-empowerment. Remember, forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning the pain you experienced in the past. It means you’re no longer letting it hurt you any more! So forgiving your former spouse is about breaking the emotional cords that have held you hostage to old hurts and memories. It frees you to make healthy new connections — and that’s the path to creating brighter tomorrows!

  1. Revise your expectations about healthy relationships.

What have you learned about relationship success? Did you originally choose the right marriage partner? Or had you accepted or settled for less than you imagined? Did you have unrealistic expectations about the challenges involved in a committed relationship? Do you now have different requirements for a love partner in terms of interests, values or goals?

Successful relationships require real skills in communicating, resolving conflict, and coping with a multitude of other issues. It’s even more complicated when children are involved. Before stepping out into the singles-dating arena, do your homework. Learn about who you really are, what you can give and what you need in return to create a fulfilling intimate relationship that works. Give yourself the time. Get the professional support you may need. Do it right — for you and your children! Your future lies ahead. Make it one you desire – and deserve!

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Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is a Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach, founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network as well as a Dating After Divorce Mentor. For her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting: Success Strategies for Getting It Right, plus and other valuable resources for parents, visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com. Click the COACHING button to learn more about Rosalind’s co-parenting courses and Coaching services. For Dating and Relationship Success, visit:www.womendatingafter40.com, www.womendatingrescue.com or www.mensdatingformula.com.

 

How To Handle An Uncooperative Ex During Divorce Co-Parenting

How To Handle An Uncooperative Ex During Divorce Co-Parenting

Children affected by Divorce

Children affected by Divorce

Co-parenting after divorce is never easy. This is especially true when you have a contentious relationship or if your ex-partner is not cooperative. You will be subject to a tremendous amount of stress about your ex-spouse’s parenting skills, as well as the financial needs of your child. Dealing with divorce is hard as it is; throwing the challenges of co-parenting into the mix will make it extra hard.

What Is Co-Parenting?

Co-parenting is a unique arrangement between two ex-spouses who have a child together. When you go through a divorce, one is left to gain custody of the child. Regardless of who has custody of the child, both parties are responsible for caring for and providing for the needs of the child or children. In a normal situation, both parents are expected to play an active role in the development and growth of their child. But when the parents are separated, it becomes extra challenging. One parent tends to be more present than the other, depending on the arrangement you have reached.

Joint custody arrangements can be stressful, and oftentimes infuriating. But for the sake of your child, you need to let go of your resentment towards your former spouse. You need to make shared decisions and time for the child. This is the best way to ensure that your child gets the stability and emotional support that he or she needs need from the parents.

But when your ex-spouse is uncooperative or refuses to provide their share of the responsibility, it poses a big problem. You are left with the sole responsibility of caring for the child in terms of financial, emotional, and physical needs. If you are in this situation, you might feel hopeless about your case. So, how do you deal with an uncooperative ex? How do you ensure that your child is the number one priority and that their needs are met?

How to Co-Parent With An Uncooperative Ex

Are you frustrated by the lack of cooperation from your ex-spouse in co-parenting your child? Here are a few steps that can help you deal with this problem for the sake of your offspring:

  • Learn to set aside your hurt and anger. When co-parenting, your own feelings about your ex are not important. Save those feelings for your friends, counselor, or coach. You have to be strong for your kids. Bad mouthing your ex-spouse can be unhealthy for them. It is okay to feel hurt or angry, especially when your ex has abandoned their parenting duties. But you have to stay kid-focused. You need to do what is best for your child/ren at this moment.
  • Maintain strong communication lines. Communication is the single most important factor in any relationship. Even when you are divorced, you need to constantly communicate with your ex. Most spouses would want nothing to do with their ex when they divorce. But for the sake of your children, and to ensure that their needs are fulfilled, you must communicate. When communicating, set a business-like tone and don’t let your anger get in the way. It is also important to commit to listening. Communication is not a one-way street; you must be open to hearing what your ex has to say. Remember, you are both the parents and co-parenting means that you have to make shared decisions.
  • Be a team. This is yet another challenge when you are co-parenting with an ex-spouse who isn’t being cooperative. But you will have to make decisions together. Aside from communicating or talking consistently, you must work as a team. The best way to achieve this mindset is to think of your kids. Seeing the benefits that it can bring your child should motivate both of you to be civil about your situation. It is also a good idea to come up with rules and schedules on visits and other activities involving the child/ren.
  • Don’t ever sabotage your kids’ relationship with your ex. No matter how uncooperative your ex might be, just don’t go there. Do not speak poorly of your ex in front of your kids. Give them a chance to perform their role in this joint custody arrangement. Do not make them feel guilty or make threats involving the kids. Provide an avenue for your child to communicate with and have a relationship with your ex.
  • Make visitations easier. Whether your ex-spouse would visit your kids or they go to your ex’s house a few times each month, make it as easy as possible. Help your children to pack their things. Drop them off or schedule a pick-up time for the kids. This is not a normal routine for the children, so make the transition as easy for them as you can.

Summary

When it comes to divorce and co-parenting, it’s the children who suffer most–not the parents. You need to think about that when you are dealing with conflicts between you and your ex. Be the responsible parent so you can inspire the other to become one, too. According to experts, it is not the divorce or separation that hurts the children but the conflict. If you can maintain a cooperative joint custody arrangement, your child/ren can feel more secure and loved. They will also be mentally and emotionally healthier than if you were unable to fulfill your duties as parents in a divorce scenario.

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Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, a Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach and author of the acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — With Love! To get her free ebook, coaching services, expert interviews, programs, e-courses and other valuable resources on divorce and co-parenting, visit: http://www.childcentereddivorce.com

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